some funny jokes

1 People will follow you anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
2 You're not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
3 When you open your mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
4 You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle.
5 You seem to have delusions of adequacy.
6 You set low personal standards and then consistently fail to achieve them.
7 You will go far, and the sooner you start, the better.
8 Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
9 Got a room temperature IQ.
10 Got a full 6-pack, but lack the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
11 A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
12 A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
13 One-celled organisms would out-score you in an IQ test.
14 Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
15 Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
16 So dense, light bends around you.
17 If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate.
18 If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
19 It's hard to believe that you beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
20 Takes you 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
21 The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

I love numbers: 2,6,8,10,12,14,15,19,21. Ok, so that is probably 1/2 of them.... so they are good :P.

But wait.... there's more!

Interesting Signs:
Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Over a urinal in a men's room: WILL BUCKS WITH SHORT HORNS PLEASE STAND
UP CLOSE? THE NEXT MAN MAY HAVE HOLES IN HIS SHOES!

Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING -
BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so) ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW
IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD
FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW
TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE
DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)